


How it all Began

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, M/M, Parody, Sexual Content, Slash sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-02-04
Updated: 2008-02-04
Packaged: 2018-10-01 09:08:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10185839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: Concerned that a mysterious dark wizard is trying to recruit his son, Lucius hires Auror Harry Potter to investigate. Written for IJ comm Luciusfqf





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

The first thing I noticed when I walked through the front doors of Malfoy Manor was the house-elf.

‘Mr Harry Potter sir,’ it said, ‘The Master is expecting you.’ 

I stepped over the threshold onto white and blue marble, and on the outskirts of my vision there were magnificent statues made of solid bronze, and priceless works of art. Yet I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the house-elf, and when he gestured me to follow, I did so blindly and without a care for my fate. 

There, walking calmly in front of me, was a house-elf covered in silver glitter, wearing a small pointed party hat with red and green tassels. 

‘Master Lucius sir, Mr Harry Potter sir has arrived. Sir.’

From the far corner of an enormous study, Lucius Malfoy faced one of his many bookcases. He reached high to put back a heavy brown tome. His hair had grown even longer in the year since I’d seen him last. Pure white, it shone like diamonds and trailed all the way down his back.

He turned to greet me, but instead his features hardened and he breathed a heavy and annoyed sigh. ‘What is that thing on your head?’

I automatically touched the top of my head before I realised he was talking to his house-elf. 

‘It’s not clothes, Master Malfoy sir. The young Master gave it to Tipsy-Squeak, sir.’ 

‘I’m sure he did. But you didn’t have to put it on.’

‘But he instructed—’

‘And if he instructed you put yourself through a spin cycle, would you do that, too?’

‘Yes, sir, just last week, sir.’ 

‘Get out,’ Lucius Malfoy said with immense weariness.

The house-elf bowed to the floor and backed away, its nose brushing along the carpet and its hips dancing a distinct samba.

‘Problems?’ I asked. I was smiling at this point, because Lucius’s house-elf was a disco-elf. Talk about bad luck. 

‘Several actually. Which is why you are here. Sit.’ Lucius pointed to a chair in front of a huge mahogany desk. He moved behind it and sat down first.

I looked around the room, pretending to admire the paintings on the wall and the delicately sculptured ceiling. I would sit down when I was ready, not when he demanded it. 

‘For goodness sake, Mr Potter, sit down. The only thing remotely interesting on that ceiling is a tomato ketchup stain.’

Of course, that actually made me look more closely and, sure enough, directly above the brown leather sofa was a bright red stain that was the same size and shape as a penguin.

‘How did that happen?’ I asked. I scratched the back of my head and sat down. ‘It’s not … art. Is it?’

‘Do you know why you’re here?’ Lucius asked, his voice deep and commanding.

My head snapped round and I found his expression serious and bleak, all trace of the usual Malfoy smirk notably absent.

‘I do.’

‘Then you’ll know that I’m under almost constant attack, continual harassment and—’

‘Look,’ I interrupted. The shock of the disco-elf had worn off and I was starting feel more like my normal easily irritated self. ‘I don’t know what you think it is Aurors do, but we’re not bodyguards. I’m not going to trail around after you like some obedient little dog.’

He gave me a sympathetic look and held it. It made me want to squirm in my chair and duck out from under that gaze, but my pride wouldn’t let me. So I just stared back at him, right into those amazing crystal eyes that were so transparent I could almost see straight through into his brain

‘I don’t know how much money you threw at our department, Mr Malfoy, but let me tell you this, I won’t be pushed around by you.’

‘I would dream of pushing you around, Mr Potter. But I am concerned with matters that concern you and your fellow Aurors.’

‘Like?’

Lucius opened a drawer in the desk. He looked good for his age, I thought, hardly any wrinkles at all. He passed me over a photograph and I couldn’t help glancing at his hands, soft-looking and adorned with silver, those long fingers and immaculate nails. 

I have a thing for hands. It’s not my fault.

‘I believe this to be a dark wizard.’

I finally looked at the photograph. ‘That’s your son,’ I pointed out.

‘And you’re supposed to be this county’s wizarding defence? I’ll sleep so soundly tonight.’

I had a flash of what his bedroom probably looked like; grand, velvety and plenty of space to—

‘I meant the wizard standing next to him,’ he finished.

I looked at the photograph again. ‘Oh right.’ The man was tall, broad-shouldered and slightly stocky. He towered over Draco and grabbed his arm. Draco shrugged him off and the scene repeated itself.

‘Who is this?’

‘If I knew that, I wouldn’t need you, would I?’

‘Have you asked the incredible bouncing ferret?’ 

‘He refuses to tell me,’ Lucius said, not so much as blinking at my slight slip of replacing Draco’s actual name with something much more suitable and amusing. 

‘Oh Merlin, you want me to talk to him.’

‘He will not tell you.’ Lucius stood and walked around the expanse of his desk. His movements were slow, deliberate, and I had no choice but to watch him.

‘What’s this?’ I asked when he’d handed me a yellow file full of papers.

‘It’s a yellow file full of papers. Everything I know. I believe this man to be a dark wizard and, knowing my family’s reputation, he is intending to take advantage of Draco.’

‘You think he’s intending to recruit him?’

‘Yes.’

I sighed. This was all I needed. First I leave the bath running and I flood my entire flat, then Ron tells me he’s leaving the country and Hermione to travel the world, then my boss informs me I have to work for Lucius-bloody-Malfoy, and now I’m being told that mini-Malfoy is back up to his eyeballs in it.

I should have been a Seeker. 

I went back to my damp flat and studied the file. There were several dossiers and notes Lucius had made on his observations and several reports from private investigators. So far, there wasn’t much to go on. Draco was secretive and, most of all, careful; he left few tracks. There was only the one photograph to go on and that wasn’t much; the dark wizard was in shadow and no details of his face could be seen.

Basically, the whole file was useless. I was going to have to conduct my own investigation from scratch. So with that in mind, I got as much as much sleep as I could and arrived back at the manor at seven am sharp. I was going to do this job quickly and efficiently and, if I was lucky, I would get to lock up at least one Malfoy in Azkaban, a feat which no other Auror had managed but which every Auror wished for.

The wards let me pass though the gates freely this time, and I took full advantage of the thestral-drawn carriage that was waiting to take me on the long journey up to the house. 

‘Is he in his study?’ I asked the brightly-sequined house-elf. 

‘Master Lucius is waiting in the Breakfast suite.’

Wow, an entire room dedicated just to breakfast. It was a fabulous idea. I sat down opposite Lucius, noticing he hadn’t taken the place set at the head of the table. 

‘Hurry my son along, Tipsy-Squeak,’ he said, then laced his fingers together and leaned his elbows on the table. His silver rings glinted. ‘I though you might like to question him.’

That was exactly what I wanted.

‘Although I doubt you’ll be successful. But Draco is always at his worst first thing in the morning. He’ll be easier to manipulate. Perhaps you’ll have more luck than I have.’

A lavish breakfast appeared before us and Lucius broke eye contact to serve himself some scrambled eggs. They looked good so I took some too, along with two slices of toast and a sausage. We both tucked in and it suddenly struck me as strange that I was eating breakfast with the man who’d nearly been responsible for my death several times.

‘Oh fabulous, Father. You do realise there’s an ignoramus at the table?’ 

He was also the man responsible for _that._ I glared at Draco as menacingly as I could, but it was somewhat lost on him as he seemed to forget I was there as soon as he spotted the pile of crumpets on the table. 

‘How are you this morning, Draco?’ Lucius asked him. 

Draco looked awful. He was pale and his features were drawn and tight. He’d lost weight since I’d last seen him and his eyes were dull and framed by dark shadows.

I’d seen him look this way before.

‘So, uh, what are you up to these days, Malfoy?’ I asked him. 

He paused, a crumpet halfway between the table and his mouth. ‘What did you say he was doing here, Father?’ he asked without taking his eyes off me.

‘He’s here to ensure our safety.’

‘You didn’t get another death threat, did you?’

‘Yes,’ Lucius said. 

I took that as an opportunity to jump in with my amazing Auror skills. ‘I’ll need to get a list of your activities and—’

‘Go and suck a penguin’s dick, Potter.’

Hmm, penguins again. But perhaps I was thinking too much outside the box. 

‘It’s for your own safety,’ I said. 

‘And for your own safety, I suggest you keep your nose out of my business, you pointless excuse for a halfwit.’

‘That’s enough,’ Lucius said, using that deep, commanding tone again. It was enough to shut both me and Draco up. ‘Draco, Potter is here to ensure our safety. You will provide a list of your activities, friends and any establishments and other addresses you frequent.’

Draco glared at me, every inch still the immature, petulant child. ‘Yes, Father.’

I had to admit, that could have gone better. 

By lunchtime I was studying the list of Draco’s friends and the places he liked to visit. He’d given me the lists with a vehement attitude and extracted a mumbled promise that I wouldn’t make any unnecessary trouble between him and his father. I could see that he hated asking me for that, but he looked so troubled and ill that I agreed. I started to wonder what hold this dark wizard had over him.

By the next day I had mapped out a picture of Draco’s life. He kept to the manor during the day and only ventured out when the sun had set. I almost thought vampire for a moment, but then I remember the sun shining brightly into the breakfast room. I remember it distinctly because of the way the light reflected off Lucius’s hair like a halo.

And then at night, Draco would attend restaurants, clubs and pubs. All reasonably public, but I wasn’t sure that meant anything. Then something else struck me.

‘Has Draco ever told _you_ where he goes at night, ever?’ I asked Lucius once I’d tracked him down to his Reading Room.

‘Of course not. Why, what have you found out?’

I dithered. I’d promised Draco I wouldn’t make trouble, and as much as I hated Draco’s guts, a promise was a promise. But then again, I’d promised Lucius I’d help him. And what if his son really was in serious trouble? Perhaps he was. This wasn’t an open and shut case, so I decided to I needed to dig a little deeper. Yes, I’d discovered something, but I had no real idea what it meant.

‘Did something get stuck?’ Lucius asked. 

‘Hmm. Eh?’

‘Your brain, Potter.’

‘Oh, no. Sorry. I was just thinking. I’m going to follow him. Tonight.’

Lucius got up from his armchair, the book he was reading immediately abandoned on the table next to a snake-shaped table lamp with a candle in its mouth.

‘I will accompany you,’ he said.

I shook my head. ‘No.’

‘Why ever not?’ 

‘Because, uh, I work alone. And it might be dangerous.’

‘Mr Potter,’ Lucius said, stalking closer, ‘ _I_ am dangerous. _I_ am the very epitome of danger, and if someone is trying to take advantage of my son, I want to be there to find out.’

He was right in front of me, his face just above mine and his eyes blazing with fury. I looked at his lips and then licked my own. 

Oh Merlin, I had another crush. That was the third time this year. First Charlie Weasley, then Seamus Finnegan and now … 

‘I’m coming,’ Lucius whispered.

‘Already? Oh, uh, I mean fine.’ 

Lucius blinked and stepped away, his expression mixed I liked to think, but it was probably just a sign that he was being confused by a complete idiot.

‘Are you a complete idiot?’ he aptly asked me several hours later when were standing outside a Muggle pub dressed as Batman and Robin. I was Robin – Dick Grayson – and my little sparkly green pants were starting to chafe. 

‘This is where he said he’d be. I thought we’d blend in. A fancy dress party at the Dog and Duck.’ I unfolded a piece of paper from my utility belt and stabbed at it with a gloved finger. ‘It was marked on his itinerary, look!’

Lucius grabbed the itinerary and swatted me with it. ‘You surely didn’t expect him to tell the whole truth!’

‘How was I supposed to know?! I thought I knew what was going on and what he was up to. I thought it didn’t have anything to do with a dark wizard!’

‘Then what?!’

‘Look at all the places he listed. They are all Muggle places. I thought … I thought he was … socialising with Muggles and he didn’t want you to know.’

Lucius gave me a withering look. ‘The Aurors scraped the bottom of the barrel with you, didn’t they?’

I had to agree. And, after some South London chavs chased us both down the road, I decided I needed a new plan. Draco Malfoy was not going to get away with this. I would find out what he was up to and rescue him from this dark wizard whether the fucker liked it or not. 

‘Muggles,’ Lucius muttered the next night. We were trailing Draco across Edinburgh, following by thestral carriage at a discrete distance. He turned away from me, clearly in a snit. ‘My son would never socialise with Muggles.’

‘For the hundredth time, I’m sorry.’ I had a crazy urge to put my hand on his knee. Actually, it wasn’t that crazy considering all the other places I wanted to put my hand. Lucius was dressed all in black, a long dress-coat falling over tight trousers and knee-high boots that were buckled with silver and leather.

I was way too horny for all this tonight. I put it down to my age and lack of sex. I hadn’t had it for six months and for a hard-working man of twenty-four, that was a hell of a long time. 

I hated Lucius, there was no doubt about that, but fucking hell he was sex in a smock. 

Draco’s carriage stopped a little way down the street and we stopped with it. We were invisible to anyone that might have otherwise seen, a spell that took power from the thestral and made it and anything attached to it, imperceptible to the naked eye. That little enchantment had earned Luna Lovegood enough for her great, great grandchildren to retire on. 

‘There he is,’ I whispered to Lucius. We were both still invisible as we were touching our carriage and Lucius was a hair’s breadth behind me.

The street was deserted except for us and our targets, so when a tall, broad wizard stepped out of a Malfoy carriage, roughly pulling Draco out with him, there was only me and Lucius to see it. 

I reacted first. 

‘Hey!’ I called, uselessly and without effect.

Lucius stepped around me and unsheathed his wand. He threw several hexes that missed their mark, and the both of us ran towards Draco and his attacker.

Unfortunately, they both Apparated.

‘Damn!’ Lucius shouted, and punched the wall. 

He blamed me, of course, and I barely escaped with my life or at the very least my dignity. Yet I still helped him look around. Perhaps there were clues to be found in this lively street.

The row of gay clubs first alerted me to a new theory. 

This mystery wizard was a homophobe, intent on eradicating all homosexuals from Great Britain and eventually the world. Hearing about Draco’s penchant for intolerance, this wizard was trying to enlist him as his right hand man. They would start with gay wizards and then move on to gay Muggles.

I explained my theory to Lucius.

He gave me another withering look, and I warmed. He saved that look only for me and it made me feel special. 

‘I have my own theory,’ Lucius said. ‘I need to speak to my son.’

He invited me back to the manor and we were greeted by a male house-elf wearing blue, glittery eye-shadow. Draco wouldn’t be back for a long time yet, Lucius explained, so we had plenty of time to kill. I worked on who was sending the many death threats while Lucius sipped brandy and fiddled with his pimp cane. It was better than my mouldy flat and Lucius was quite good company when he wasn’t talking.

The next day, Draco was apparently nowhere to be found. I arrived at the manor in the morning and was greeted by Lucius because the house-elves were all having sex in the cellars. 

‘I must have some order!’ Lucius cried. He paced his second study, his hair swishing about him and looking all floaty and nice and touchable.

I resisted stroking, but only because Lucius probably would have killed me outright there and then. 

‘Where is my son?!’

‘We’ll find him, Lucius. Calm down.’

And find him we did. 

I called around his friends, something I should have done at start of all this, and spoke to Pansy Parkinson. She gave me the number for Blaise Zabini who then put me onto Marcus Flint. Marcus Flint had no idea about anything because he’d been in a Hippogriff accident last year and couldn’t remember his own name. So I started again and called Gregory Goyle who immediately told me he was having a party tonight and Draco and his boyfriend were invited. 

Boyfriend?

Uh-oh. I wondered if Lucius had any idea his son was gay.

‘You’re a flaming idiot, Mr Potter,’ Lucius said, which I thought was most uncalled for. 

For several hours after that, Lucius seemed depressed. He became sullen and silent and he wouldn’t touch his crème brulee.

‘I have to know for sure,’ he suddenly said, standing and snapping his fingers for a house-elf that didn’t turn up. He fetched his own coat and mine and marched me out of the manor.

‘It’s not that bad, you know,’ I said on the way. ‘So what if he is gay. It’s better he was sneaking around because of that rather than because he was wrapped up in something dark. Uh, so to speak.’

‘I am aware of that.’ He was silent the rest of the way and didn’t speak again until the carriage pulled up outside Gregory Goyle’s five-bedroom house in Chelsea. ‘I just wish he didn’t feel the need to hide it.’

Ten minutes later Lucius Malfoy wished Draco had gone to much greater efforts to hide it. He was visibly shaking when we left, his skin even paler than usual and his beautifully sculpted hands trembling.

‘I could have gone my whole life without seeing that,’ he said.

I could have gone my whole life watching that. I know I hate Draco but wow he can kiss. The groping looked fun, too, although I must say, I would have rather he’d been caught with someone like Blaise Zabini than Neville Longbottom. 

Lucius wept.

I did the only thing I could for him. I took him home and kept him company. I was a bit useless really, and Lucius spent most of the time staring at the bottom of his brandy glass. That was, until Draco came home early.

‘I’m sorry, Father. I’ve acted appallingly, coming home at all hours, encouraging the house-elves to have sex with each other, drinking too much. Oh, Father, I get the most awful hangovers. I don’t think I can do it anymore. And Neville agrees. We’ve had so many arguments over it. He wants me to calm down. He wants to look after me and keep me safe, Father, isn’t that nice?’

Lucius swayed and I got ready to catch him should he fall. 

‘So Neville was the mystery wizard all this time,’ I mused aloud.

’50 points to Gryffindor,’ Draco said dryly, and then went back to looking forlornly at his father. ‘Do you forgive me, Father? Please say you do.’

Of course Lucius forgave him. Draco was his son, the only real family he had now that Narcissa was gone. Everyone says Lucius never got over her death and I think that’s right. So Lucius held out his arms and embraced his son.

It would have brought a tear to my eye had it been anyone else but that slimy git of a snake. I really hate Draco Malfoy and I’ll be having words with my friend Neville.

Several more days went past and I discovered and falsely accused five people of sending Lucius Malfoy death threats. It was a mystery! At one point I seriously thought he was sending them to himself just to keep me here. 

One evening I was checking the manor’s wards to make sure they were blending with the additional ones I’d set up that morning, when Lucius asked if I would like to join him for dinner. Draco was out with Neville and the house-elves had discovered Salsa dancing and were exiled to the summerhouse, so we would have the manor all to ourselves.

Obviously, I accepted. How could I not when Lucius’s hair was gleaming so gorgeously under the chandelier and his lips were actually forming a smile?

‘I’m not sure I’m cut out for this,’ I admitted later in the evening. 

‘Being an Auror?’ He nodded slowly, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. ‘What would you do instead?’

‘I wanted to be a Seeker at one point,’ I said.

‘And now?’

I shrugged and felt my face burn. This was highly embarrassing. 

‘Mr Potter?’

I mumbled an answer.

‘I beg your pardon, I didn’t quite catch that.’

‘I want to be a teacher,’ I said slightly more clearly. I looked across at my companion and waited for him to laugh. But he just looked me. Then he laughed.

‘Hey, it’s not that ridiculous, is it?’

He saw my serious expression and the humour left his face. Then it came back. He laughed so hard he nearly snapped his cane and beat a hole in the arm of his chair. ‘W-w-what would you teach?’

I shrugged. ‘Not sure. Definitely not potions. Maybe Defence Against the Dark Arts. I mean, I’m good at the spells. I’m just crap at everything else. I’m definitely going to get the sack soon. The Voldemort thing was a complete fluke, you know.’

Lucius stopped laughing. For a while. Then he was off again.

‘When Draco was four,’ Lucius said once he’d calmed down enough to speak, ‘he wanted to be a snowman.’

It was at this point that things got hazy. Lucius was laughing like a hysterical hyena and I was accompanying him with a cacophony of crude cackles. Obviously I’d had a bit to drink at this point – hence the alliteration – and the rest of the conversation degenerated into ludicrous tales of school boy antics and the crazy things men do during puberty, their troublesome twenties, thrifty thirties and fortuitous forties. 

Somehow I ended up in Lucius’s lap, straddling him and trying to bite off his face. There was lots of heavy breathing and it turned out that his hands were strong as well as beautiful, and he had the dirtiest mouth out of everyone I’d ever met. Oh the things he promised to do to me! And I held him to each and every one of them. 

We did it all night long. We kissed and stroked and sucked and fucked. We held tightly to each other and pounded as hard as we could. We worked out our frustrations and used each other for an almost violent comfort.

And when we were tired, we simply touched and enjoyed that for what it was. 

I saw a lot of Lucius from that night on. The death threats had mysteriously disappeared so I had no purpose to be at the manor except for my own selfish needs. Luckily, Lucius had the same needs so it worked out quite well. 

Draco and I still hated each other and he would hiss at me as we passed in the hallways. He had, though, kept to his promise to cut down the drinking and had only prolapsed once, although I’m not sure that’s quite right; I was tired when Lucius told me about it. 

Draco was still seeing my friend Neville and I was still waiting for it to fall apart. Which it definitely would any second.

A year later they married and Lucius gave his son away. He loves Draco but I think he was actually quite relieved to get shot of him. It was a nice ceremony and Neville was obviously smitten. The weird thing is that so was Draco. 

I still hate him, though.

And I still hate Lucius, except not quite as much, especially when he proposed to me exactly one week later, and especially right now. Thanks for coming, everyone, and I hope you’ll all find the happiness that Lucius and I have found. Thank you for all the wonderful presents and for being here on our special day. Just thank you. Please raise your glasses …

 

The End


End file.
